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#ThemeSongTuesday (10/27/15): WWE Originals (Part 2)




It's been twelve years since WWE Originals came out, and we at the Smark Henry offices thought it would be a great idea to look back at the only album in pro wrestling history to feature songs sung by wrestlers. What made this album unique was that every wrestler sang a song that was true to his/her musical tastes. 

Our resident DJ and music connoisseur Stan Sy listened to every track on the album and listed his thoughts on one of the most quirky records Jim Johnston has ever come out with. Each song will be rated using the OG Cena scale, with one Cena being the lowest, and 10 Cenas being the highest. Let's do this! 

If you missed Part 1, CLICK HERE.

You Just Don't Know Me At All - Lilian Garcia



Wow, the intro actually sounds like it could pass off as a wrestling theme. And less than a minute in, Lilian just made everyone else on this album sound like a hapless jabroni.

Once the hook kicked in, you could see just how and why Lilian Garcia has actually had a successful recording career. Her vocal range is powerful enough to make her deserve the label of "Alanis Morrissette adjace".

Lyrically, the song is something you could actually imagine someone like Lilian singing. It's simple and yet the emotions are raw enough for you to want to rock out to this song when you're on a road trip with your fellow smarks.

To borrow a line from my friend Vic E. Manuel from the PWR Commentary Desk, color me impressed.

Rating: 10 out of 10 Cenas


We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal - Eddie & Chavo Guerrero


If you watched WWE before 2005, then you would recognize this song as the precursor to the babyface version of the theme song Eddie Guerrero would eventually walk out to as a singles star from early 2004 until Eddie's untimely death a year later.

Hearing Eddie and Chavo do spoken word to this chicano beat about their "lie, cheat, steal" gimmick is so ridiculous that it's funny! I mean, inasmuch as Eddie and Chavo probably didn't advocate being a liar, a cheater, and a thief in real life, you've got to hand it to them for committing to it so much that you could make a case that they actually lived the gimmick through this song. It's a far cry removed from the spiritual being everybody characterized Eddie as after his passing.

And that moment where Eddie and Chavo spelled their own names and rapped to it and then yelled "BILINGUAL!" out of nowhere was just golden.

The ironic thing about this song is not once in the song do you hear Eddie or Chavo sing the title of the song. They'd end up saving it for their entrance music as Los Guerreros.

Rating: 7 out of 10 Cenas


Put a Little Ass On It - Rikishi


I've got to admit this is actually the first time I'm hearing Kish croon, but good Lord, if that wasn't the biggest swerve of the album!

Imagining Daddy Uso croon to this melody fresh off the 90s is supposed to make you think of Darius Rucker or Ruben Studdard. Instead, he ends up sounding as awkward as Lil Wayne did when he tried to sing on How To Love.

And that hook. Put a little ass on it. Really? Really?!

I get that R&B hits were all about that bass and then some as early as the 80s, but telling your girl that you can show her how to stop all this hurting by putting a little ass on it is crass as fuck. Even in 2015. I can imagine those backup singers struggling to keep a straight face as they sang the additional vocals on the hook. Jeez.

The only reason this doesn't get the lowest score on the OG Cena scale is because of the (un)intentional comedy factor of the entire thing.

Yes, Jimmy and Jey. Or should I say Jon and Joshua? This is your daddeh.

Rating: 3 out of 10 Cenas


Why Can't We Just Dance - Stacy Keibler


I know they recorded this song in 2003, but the melody, the beat, and the autotune look like everybody involved with this song was stuck in the late 90s. Once Stacy's vocals come in, you're immediately reminded of Willa Ford's I Wanna Be Bad or Tata Young's Sexy Naughty Bitchy. And then you think about how sad it is that Stacy just made those two songs look like Best Female Vocal Pop Nominees at the Grammys. Think about that.

The only saving grace of this song is that you can totally imagine Stacy just dancing on a small table in your apartment after a date with her. She's trying to seduce you by slowly swaying her hips, locking her eyes on yours, and using every inch of her—NGGH. I have to stop. I have to finish this review.

Yeah, there's a reason Stacy Keibler was better off pursuing a career as an actress and model instead of one in music once she retired. Looking back, she made the right choice.

Rating: 1 out of 10 Cenas


Don't That Taste Good (Segment 5) - Stone Cold Steve Austin 


Welp. It looks like Stone Cold just fucked Jim Johnston up.

*****

As a concept, WWE Originals was way ahead of its time. It was actually daring and innovative. Unfortunately, a lot of the talent they got to perform on the record couldn't (and shouldn't) be in a recording studio, which was a waste of what could have been a special project that they could have done in multiple iterations.

If they were to do another WWE Originals album today, they could actually get a solid recording if they involved talents like Naomi, R-Truth, Road Dogg, Lilian Garcia, Chris Jericho (who's a much better vocalist now than he was in 2012), Sasha Banks (just so I can see how she'd perform on a full track), and Aiden English.

What did you think of WWE Originals? Which song was your favorite? And which song did you hate the most? Now's as good a time as ever to sound off in the comments section!

*****


Stan Sy is a radio DJ, an events host, a freelance writer, one of the hosts of the Smark Gilas-Pilipinas Podcast, and Smark Henry's official PPV reviewer. He enjoys watching WWE, NXT, Lucha Underground, and the occasional New Japan match. Every now and then, he dresses up in fancy suits to book matches as PWR's longest-tenured General Manager to date. Follow him on Twitter: @_stansy

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