Us neither.
The man who once claimed to be "Better Than Perfect" hasn't had a televised match since an October taping for Main Event, but that hasn't stopped him from launching a bizarre social media hunt revolving around the #WhereIsAxel hashtag.
Almost exactly a month ago, Axel posted a cryptic vignette on his official Twitter account featuring smoky footage of a woman applying lipstick and casting candlelight onto a hand-scrawled sign asking one question: Where is Axel?
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) November 17, 2015
He followed that up a week later with yet another mysterious video, this time featuring a seemingly-obsessed stalker posting up portraits of Axel with "Where is Axel?" once again scratched out over the photos.
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) November 23, 2015
The search got even more complex with yet another video we're not even going to try to explain, this time introducing a custom website called WhereIsAxel.com.
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) December 1, 2015
Anyone who visits the website will land on a single page containing an invitation to join the search by enrolling an email address.
The search continued with still another video, this time promising "the search party will be rewarded."
The Search Party Will Be Rewarded... #WhereIsAxel https://t.co/nQ34BCDNCa @WWE pic.twitter.com/ca5Np6zgA3
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) December 8, 2015
The tension builds even more with one more vignette showing the same high-heeled protagonist from the previous posts flinging random furniture around a small room.
Pain... Tired of questions with NO ANSWERS! #WhereIsAxel https://t.co/nQ34BCDNCa pic.twitter.com/lPe3xGWWiJ
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) December 14, 2015
"Don't be afraid to ask," this vignette beseeches the viewer, while a derivative of the video promises that the search party will be the first to know.
Axel Search Party Will Be First To Know... #WhereIsAxel https://t.co/4GuJMpu9oW @WWE pic.twitter.com/ogGDCZPOBB
— Curtis Axel (@RealCurtisAxel) December 15, 2015
Frankly, we have no idea what the endgame for all of this in Curtis Axel's head is supposed to be, but it's darn entertaining. Who knew he had such a fixation with dirty Instagram filters and indie hipster music?
We'll give him this much—at least this quest hasn't been as painful to watch as those old Leslie Nielsen vignettes searching for the Undertaker.
Have you signed up for the search for Curtis Axel at WhereIsAxel.com, Henrinites? Do you find this to be a painfully-contrived social media stunt, or do you think big things are dropping from our favorite Hulk Hogan impersonator? Drop us a line in the comments below!