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#WTFWednesday (3/9/16): Wrestlers Go to Court







So, it seems that Hulk Hogan is having a fun time in court. Penis sizes, the Holocaust and sex tapes galore have found their way into the trial. It's a veritable shit show to be honest.

The main gist of the story goes that Hogan made a sex tape. Big whoop. However, a news site, Gawker, decided it would be a good idea to upload an edited version of said sex tape on to their site. Hulkamania ensues, I mean sues, the site and here we are,

Now you have the defense lawyers bringing up speech oppression compared to the Jews being rounded up by Hitler. I'm serious. Jury selection didn't go so well (or did it?) when you realize that part of the jury pool was someone who uses the 700 club as a news source and another who doesn't completely realize that the word "nigger" is offensive. Thankfully, the guy who has a bias against Hogan was removed. The source of this bias? Hulk Hogan's heel turn in WCW. Great stuff.

It makes you wonder, though: What would happen if these wrestlers ever had to go to court?


RANDY SAVAGE

Bailiff: Mr. Savage, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Wrestling God?

Mr. Savage:






RON SIMMONS

Jury Foreman: On 200 accounts of extreme stiffness, the jury finds the defendant... GUILTY.

Ron Simmons:





KURT ANGLE

Prosecutor: Mr. Angle, did you make sexual advances towards the wife of Mr. Helmsley?

Kurt Angle:



Prosecutor: The prosecution rests, Your Honor.


STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

Prosecutor: Mr. Austin, can you recount to us the amount of alcohol you drank before you were arrested?

Stone Cold:




Got any more sound bites that could land a guy in legal hot water? Let us know in the comments section below!


*****

George Pastorwrites our weekly #WTFWednesday column. He got into judo because it was the closest sport available where it was perfectly fine to slam someone without getting expelled. His girlfriend is not amused.

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