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SmackDown RunDown Live (1/17/17): La Luchadora James!


Oh it’s true, it’s DAMN true! For this week’s intro, I need you to read the following statements in Bray Wyatt’s voice. “Death, chaos, suffering. These are the things you mortals feel every time you read this Ricky guy’s ramblings. But not me, because I’m a god, and gods like chaos. We thrive in suffering. So you better be ready, because here he is again. Run!”

Mickie James made a shocking return in an underwhelming cage match

I should just rename this column as Nitpicking Smack because we’re doing it again this week. You ready, fellas? #NitPickRick

The main event could’ve been so much better. For one, they didn’t bother hyping the match as this huge event. I’m sorry, but two backstage interview segments ain’t gonna cut it. Where were the vignettes? Promo packages? Anything to make the main event feel like it will be the dopest thing you’ll ever see? Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss for the Women’s title didn’t feel like a championship match, even. It was just a regular middle-of-the-show match.


And that’s another thing. The match itself wasn’t worthy of its main event spot. It was very slow and they kept fighting in the same damn corner. You know there are other corners, right? The cage was barely used and the only time I was reminded that there was a cage was when someone is attempting to climb it. Man, I would even take a cheesy Superfly tribute just to make this match more exciting to watch. That would send the crowd into a frenzy. And don’t even get me started about the finish.

Isn’t this the point of them being in a cage match? To prevent any luchador from interfering? Then why oh why was La Luchadora given easy access inside the cage? She was just there and the refs outside let her in anyway? I don’t mind Alexa winning via shenanigans, but can we at least have a logical shenanigan? Maybe La Luchadora hands her a steel chair, or maybe La Luchadora distracts Becky from the outside? That would’ve been so much better. Then, they can have the beatdown and the eventual Mickie James reveal. Was that really hard to execute, people? Jeez.

Dolph Ziggler attempted to murder Jerry Lawler and somehow got away with it

Let me just say this before we start nitpicking this segment: I loved this segment. First off, Jerry Lawler is back and I wish he just kicked Otunga out of that commentary table and took over. Lawler, Mauro Ranallo, and why not, bring JBL, too? This trio is the commentary team SmackDown Live needs right now. Second, who gave Ziggler the pot brownie?


Ziggler’s heel turn would’ve been so perfect if it wasn’t for his awful delivery. Was that his attempt to remove all his previous mannerisms? What’s wrong with his fiery delivery, anyway? He was a heel back then and he didn’t speak like this.  It’s really hard to take someone seriously when he’s speaking a word per minute, and it’s a good heel turn, too. I completely forgot about Ziggler causing Lawler’s heart attack back in 2012. It’s the perfect opportunity to gather some real heat. Trying to kill the guy you almost killed by kicking him straight to the heart? That’s one way to turn heel.

Some Blue Brand Vibes and Blues—Live!

Blue: You know what, let’s just give Cena the WWE Championship. Why prolong the agony, just let Cena have his way. Crap on the up and coming star, the top heel of the brand, and the current WWE Champion himself. Yeah, because he’s Super freakin’ Cena and the kids love him, so he’s supposed to be strong and shit. Right? We need to sell them tickets, right guys? Am I f**king right?

Anyway, Miz did steal the spotlight with his well-written jabs against AJ Styles. This segment is more proof that Creative should just turn Styles face and place Miz at the top of the heel food chain where he truly belongs.

Vibe: Randy Orton and Dean Ambrose were having a great match until Luke Harper interfered, costing Orton the win. I decided to change my perspective with this Wyatt implosion angle and so far, I like it. I see it this way: Orton has successfully infiltrated the family and is causing it to break from within. Then, when Wyatt is all alone, Orton will strike and reveal his master plan because, after all, he’s the freakin’ Viper. The two will then face each other in an epic WrestleMania match. This will make Orton look hella good, while Wyatt will finally become an afterthought because after this, are we really going to see Wyatt as a formidable, unstoppable force?

Blue: Nikki Bella and Natalya need to chill… from delivering promos. It’s getting repetitive at this point, and this week was no different. We could’ve dedicated a huge chunk of the segment to a heated brawl, complete with the comically-timed table break. We all know what your deal is, so unless you have good scripts to work with, just fight. Let’s make this simple, gals.

Vibe: Baron Corbin didn’t have a match tonight, but he just won this week by calling the Undertaker a ditch digger. OMG, I died. Somewhere in Death Valley, Taker is still recovering from that sick burn.

SMACKDOWN RUNDOWN: I’ll carry the same sentiment I had with last week’s episode: this show could’ve been so much better. It’s certainly not bad, I just wish Creative spent more time hyping up the main event, stop having such a hard-on for Cena, and actually build their champion up, aside from not letting Ziggler smoke weed. I think SmackDown Live’s getting a little too confident with their current standing. They better keep the show tight before RAW finds their groove again. In the meantime, the Blue Brand will still have to settle for a B.

Did you enjoy this week’s SmackDown Live? Will you chant “You suck!” at Kurt Angle’s induction speech? Let’s discuss your early Valentine’s plans at the comments below.


*****


Ricky Jay Publico (@HarambeMustLive) is a wrestling fan who enjoys watching high flyers and brawlers battle it out in the ring. A known Botchamania binge-watcher, he claims to have memorized the chronological order of Royal Rumble winners, but fails to remember who won in 2004. He writes stories about life and nonsense.

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