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The Smark Henry RAW Report (12/18/17): Girls Can Do It, Too!


Okay, okay, okay, we have quite a bit to tackle after this week's episode of Monday Night RAW. For two weeks in a row, I've been simultaneously watching all three hours of the show and pinching myself at ten-minute intervals. This week's episode wasn't particularly the best, but it was pretty darn eventful.



First things first—hurray for women! They main evented RAW once again and closed the show. But most importantly, the first ever women's Royal Rumble match has been set for January 28 in Philadelphia where we get to witness them make history once again and prove themselves as equal to the male Superstars. Trust me, as a woman—and I can only imagine the aspiring female wrestlers out there—I live for moments like these and nothing makes me happier than to see all these girls' hard work pay off.

But shit, that segment was bad. The entire RAW women's locker room came out and destroyed each other in what turned into one giant catfight, until...until, well, the announcement—and all of a sudden everybody's the best of friends. Where is the continuity?! Don't pretend like you girls didn't see the announcement coming for you all to break kayfabe. Perhaps real emotions could've been expressed backstage through a mini-documentary to be released or one of those RAW Fallout episodes rather than in-ring, in the midst of trying to tell a story.

I mean, I get it. This is huge. And this movement is bigger than the storylines, it's bigger than the female Superstars, and it's bigger than all of us. It represents women empowerment and coming together to break barriers that have never been broken before...you get the idea. But even I couldn't help but ask myself "That's it?" when the segment was over. I would've appreciated if the girls had, at the very least, their fierce game faces on, ready to put on a damn fight come the Royal Rumble. But nooooo...

I'll tell you what I loved about Stephanie McMahon in all of this: the part when she showed how high up she is in my imaginary boss-lady scale, wherein her entrance entitled all women to freeze whatever the heck they were doing to listen to what she had to say. Welcome to the queendoooooom!

The whole Yes chant thing, though? Not so much. As the bitchiest heel on WWE television, you just don't use the Yes chant for something nice and get away with it. Because of that, it directly translated into one embarrassingly desperate "Please clap for this, this is important." Also, I think she forgot that the entire Yes movement was all set against her and her husband.



Another important thing to mention from this week's episode was the debut of Hideo Itami on Monday Night RAW! Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, 205 Live? Then why did he team up with Finn Balor to face the Miztourage? ...Seems like nobody knows. Weird. But it's nice to see him on the main roster after a long-term injury, and even nicer to see a GTS on RAW again... I can't wait to see what he can bring to the purple brand's table!



Kurt Angle announced that it's going to be a Triple Threat match at the Royal Rumble for the Universal Championship. And he did that in the most cowardly way possible, by rushing out of the ring afterwards. Man. It's like he forgets he's Kurt Angle sometimes. Also, I cannot un-see those knees of his that are constantly bent. I was honestly more interested in that than seeing Brock Lesnar and the actual storyline, wishing the cameramen would opt for the wide angle shot so I could stare at Kurt's legs. Look at it! Look at iiiiiiiiit. Anyway, this is the most filler Universal Championship match ever, with Kane looking like weakest link of them all. Yawn.

I'm so proud of the women and the upcoming first-ever women's Royal Rumble match, but the announcement could've been delivered just slightly better. The returns were surprising but their respective matches didn't do much for them, either. So overall, this entire episode just felt so bittersweet... Oh well. They tried. So I'll give them a B- for their efforts!


Quick hitters:
  • The Revival also made their surprise return against Heath Slater and Rhyno, and thank god they did because we need more to the tag team division than just The Bar and The Shield.
  • However, Dean Ambrose is reportedly going to need surgery for an arm injury. What does this mean for their chase of the RAW Tag Team titles? I don't know, but my heart is sinking just typing this out.
  • Who in the world thought it was a good idea to give Dana Brooke this kind of gimmick?
  • SmackDown Live Survivor Series team member John Cena returns to RAW next week!
  • DREW GULAK IS EVERYTHING. His backstage segment with Enzo Amore and Nia Jax, bleeding and catching his breath, made it clear: he is the MVP of the Cruiserweight division and he'll get that title from Enzo sooner or later. Or, well, he better!
  • Speaking of, Nia and Enzo make me cringe in sssssuch a good way.


Photos by WWE

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