Skip to main content

#FinisherFriday (9/7/18): Etits Sa Mukha


Welcome to another edition of #FinisherFriday! This is Wreddit_Regal bringing you an analysis of one of PWR's most dreaded moves.

WARNING: This article may contain stuff not suitable for younger audiences or easily-offended people, so if you are one of those, you know what to do.

Ever since stepping foot in the sacred ring of the PWR universe, Rederick Mainstream Mahaba has cemented himself as one of the loved superstars of the roster. I mean, it's not every day that you see a big guy with an afro jumping, punching, and suplexing other guys in the ring. Especially in his earlier days as the leader of the "Basted Club." he was best known for having a submission that crosses the lines of safety - and of the MTRCB. The move we are talking about is, of course, the Jaccolade.


Drawing inspiration from WWE superstar Rusev's Accolade camel clutch submission maneuver, the Jaccolade is definitely a beast on another level. It combines pain, asphyxiation and embarrassment in a way that spectators only recognize the comedic effect but not the actual damage dealt. As such, let us break down the move into bits:

  1. Mahaba sits on the chest or ribcage of an opponent in the supine position
  2. He then proceeds to grab the unlucky chap's head AND DRAWS IT NEAR HIS CROTCH OR BALLS OR EGGPLANT OR INGUINAL AREA OR PERINEUM OR WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO THINK ABOUT. 

Now that we have broken down the horrendous details of the move, let's analyze how the move deals damage:

1. Mahaba sitting on an average person's chest or ribcage impedes that person's ability to expand the lungs, affecting his breathing. The opponent may faint after a short time if he doesn't submit to the grueling pressure of his weight.


2. Pulling the opponent's head towards Mahaba's "you-know-what" does three separate things:

2a. Once the opponent's face comes in contact, instinctively they will hold their breath. This hampers the already Herculean task of struggling to breathe and thus shortens the time frame from being awake to being unconscious.


2b. A heterosexual male wrestler forced to come in contact with Mahaba's crotch against his will feel psychological trauma akin to being molested. (Hey, the move is already NSFW, so I'm just being straightforward about the details.) If Hell in a Cell made Mick Foley a different person after, the Jaccolade will definitely change its victims one way or another.


2c. The process of pulling one's head forward while the top half of their body is immobilized is in fact, a rudimentary form of a neck crank. Technically named as a can opener in this case, a neck crank can strain and tear the cervical vertebrae's capsules and/or damage the neck muscles when applied for an extended period of time.


And there you have it fellows, the Jaccolade deconstructed. As much as we want to see more carnage dealt by the Jaccolade, Mahaba has since replaced it with a new finisher as he transitioned into Mainstream Mahaba. Do you want a Jaccolade comeback? Let us know in the comment section below!

Photo from "Half-Man, Half-Amazing" Hub Pacheco
*****

Wreddit_Regal is the resident sports kinesiologist of Reddit's wrestling forum, r/squaredcircle. From the most basic of punches to the most intricate double-team maneuvers, he can explain them within the realm of human anatomy and physics, because when doing absolutely nothing wrestling-related, he also happens to work as an operating room nurse.

Comments

Trending This Week

PWR Live: Homefront Live Results

PWR Live: Homefront—The Official Smark Henry Review

MWF 4: Road to Fate: The Official Smark Henry Review

The Smark Henry RAW Review (9/18/18): Whose RAW is This?

SmackDown RunDown Live (9/18/18): *Looks Around* I Called Her "Biiiitch!"