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SmackDown RunDown Live (3/12/19): KofiMania, But Louder


KofiMania just got wilder, y’all. For starters, we now know what Vince McMahon really thinks about the man who gave 11 years of his life for the WWE. It’s not that profound, really. He just thinks he isn’t world champion material. You know, as white billionaires tend to think. Give his promo a minute more and he probably would’ve said he didn’t like Kofi because he’s black. But there, now we know and that’s good enough for me.

It’s good enough because now there’s no doubt Kofi Kingston (and The New Day in proxy) will soon rule SmackDown Live as the WWE Champion everyone thought they didn’t need. I’m also glad they took care of the Kevin Owens and Mustafa Ali problem at Fastlane so now there’s no way they’ll shoehorn someone else in Kofi’s one-on-one title match because seriously, I didn’t think it was that hard to book a Mania match exclusively for two people.



I also enjoyed the frustration Kofi Kingston and the rest of the New Day exhibited this week. Although their savagery back when they were heels was a lot better, The New Day taking out the SmackDown Live tag teams was still a nice touch. But the MVP was Kofi and his passionate plea for a title opportunity. His eyes must have hurt for never losing his eye contact with Vince McMahon’s wrinkly-ass face during their heated promo and it turned out great.

Also, let me just say that the manner in which Kofi Kingston will punch his Mania ticket is genius. For one, he’ll be subject to yet another gauntlet match that launched the KofiMania movement in the first place. So, it’s safe to say Kofi will win at WrestleMania, right? In that case, he’ll be the first Superstar in WWE history to successfully run through a gauntlet. And to me, that’s a lot more impressive than winning the Royal Rumble match from #1 or #2. After all, four people have already done it.


And kudos to Creative for not forgetting about the hemp belt-carrying champion-sized elephant in the room. I’m sure hardcore fans are already getting the irony but let me point out to you anyway because I’m an asshole. Daniel Bryan of all people should know what it feels like to be regarded as a B+ player. But his head is so far up his ass that he failed to realize that he became the guy he rallied up against five years ago. 

Hey D-Bry, remember when Triple H called you a B+ player too and you bitched about it by letting your fans invade the ring that one time? Would’ve been nice if CM Punk dropped by SmackDown Live and reminded his old friend that he has now become the New York Yankees. Kofi Kingston’s success story gets ten times better when we consider that his opponent knows exactly what it’s like to overcome adversity. This year’s WrestleMania is awesome!

SMACKDOWN RUNDOWN: The wrestling aspect of this week’s episode had to step back in order to highlight the biggest storylines for WrestleMania 35 and you know what? I ain’t even that mad. All I care about is KofiMania running wild and BeckyMania still looking great as ever. And hey, Asuka was there, too! Love this episode but it had too many tag teams for my taste. How about I give this one a B+ for a change? It’s still pretty high.

The RunDown Cutting Board

  • I love Becky Lynch’s promo and all, but can we just drop the injury angle already? Becky’s leg should’ve healed up at this point. Anyway, I loved her bit about playing mind games on someone without a brain. Ronda Rousey’s out there hitting us with church metaphors while Becky’s here keeping it chill with her verbal jabs. Oh, Ronnie, ya little weirdo.
  • When Randy Orton’s not phoning it in, he can deliver electric promos like the one he cut this week against AJ Styles and his indie pals. Their verbal exchange just made their throwaway 'Mania match worth a watch thanks to their homegrown vs. indie dynamic. Oh, and if you listen hard enough, Orton sounded like Thanos. Not sure why I shared that particular fact here and now you probably can’t unhear it, too.
  • “You know what would make SmackDown Live great? Another evil McMahon!” said no one ever.
  • The Usos vs. The Hardyz at WrestleMania 35. Book it already, Vince!
  • Also, there’s Asuka beating the living shit out of her former challenger's best friend, as the wrestling gods intended it to be.
Photos from WWE.com

*****

Ricky Publico (@NitPickRick) is a wrestling fan who enjoys watching high flyers and brawlers battle it out in the ring. A known Botchamania binge-watcher, he claims to have memorized the chronological order of Royal Rumble winners, but fails to remember who won in 2004. He writes stories about life and nonsense.

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