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SmackDown RunDown (10/18/19): Wrestling Sucks and Then You Die


Can someone tell MVP that you can openly criticize something you love? 

I really hate the notion that to love wrestling, you have to love every single aspect of it, no questions asked. And if you somehow find one little aspect you didn't like, you're instantly branded a hater, a keyboard warrior, a pathetic wanker who can't appreciate what others have worked hard for. Hell, I've been doing it for a couple of years now. And for all those years, I've learned one thing about the industry I love: wrestling is just one giant circlejerk. 

So yeah, here we are again. Another week of wrestling to review. Guess what, it's not going to be a glowing review. You have a problem with that, MVP? Of course you do. Everyone in the wrestling business does. I bet promoters wish people like me didn't exist. Just enjoy the product, clap your hands, cheer, boo, accept. Honestly, I'm sick of taking a stand. It's not like I'm going to change anything. The absence of finicky fans like me will literally give everyone a boner.

So let's just muscle through this one, shall we? Because as much as anyone would like to believe, I actually have a life.

After the roster switcheroo draftapalooza, SmackDown ended up becoming Friday Night RAW. The old Blue Brand is officially dead, people. No more Land of Opportunity, no more A-Show disguised as a B-Show type of vibe. WWE now recognizes SmackDown as the A-Show. That sounds good on paper, but no, I'd rather have the old SmackDown back where anyone can break through the glass ceiling. But hey, just enjoy the product, amirite, MVP?



How exactly can anyone break out on SmackDown now? The show ended up drafting three of Vince McMahon's favorite monsters: Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns, and Braun Strowman. These guys will always get the top spots, they will always be protected, and honestly, why bother trying? Just look at what they're advertising for next. A face-to-face from the MMA guys? An appearance by a bunch of has-beens? Man, it definitely feels like an A-show now. /s

And sure, we got Bray Wyatt, but that literally means nothing. He'll stay on RAW in the meantime to continue his feud with Seth Rollins, then he'll get buried like crazy at SaudiMania. By the time Bray comes to SmackDown to start a new feud with someone, he'll be back in his original role: the creepy guy who's all bark and no bite. Great addition to the roster, I guess. Am I supposed to love that as well? All right, MVP. After all, you're a veteran and I'm just a lowly fan.



SmackDown is now the Land of the Giants, quite literally, and the only beacon of light is Daniel Bryan, who'snow a babyface. He's the main reason why SmackDown isn't sucking so hard right now. Somehow, Bryan is still allowed to thrive among the giants and I couldn't be any happier. He embodies the hope that one day, we'll see the return of the SmackDown we all knew and loved. But until that happens, we'll have to settle to whatever crap they're throwing at us.

And the women's division isn't all bad either. Bayley's amazing transformation should anchor the Blue Brand's division moving forward. Screw the lack of big names. Let's make new ones out of Nikki Cross, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, and Dana Brooke. And while they broke up R-Truth and Carmella for some reason, I'm sure they'll find something for the Princess of Staten Island. Hey MVP, how's that for being positive?



How can we forget Shorty Gable, or as he now wants to be called, Shorty G? Another small dude being pushed to the moon. I love it! I've always been a Chad Gable stan and I'm glad they're finally seeing what I've been seeing for the past few years. Although I'm sure he'll never be a WWE Champion—not because of talent, but because of his brand's pecking order—he can be a great Intercontinental Champion. Go chase that white gold, Shorty G! 

SMACKDOWN RUNDOWN: It's the same, but different. That's basically what this week's episode of SmackDown was. Different because of the improvement in the overall presentation of the show, but much of the same because of the usual booking logic. But hey, Daniel Bryan winning the match for his team was great and the six-pack women's match also ruled, so there's that. I honestly just want to stop talking now and get back to my Hunter x Hunter binge. 

Show Grade: A++ Wooo Yeah Best Show Ever

RunDown CutDown

  • I don't have jokes this week. I don't owe you any jokes. Fuck you. 
Photos from WWE.com


*****

Ricky Publico (@NotDMagician) is Smark Henry's resident SmackDown reviewer... for better or worse. A known lover of wrestling tournaments, he's a sucker for well-executed promos and fast-paced matches.

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